I am troubled! I am disappointed! I am confused! I just can't be myself.

I dont want to be in this house. It caused me too many stress. Too many mental inbalance. I am lost. I dont know what I should do next. Can anyone please advise me?

It supposed to be my September holidays. The arrival of Jonan's mother and Ah ma causes a lot of stress. Almost everyday that will be arguement in the house. I am on the verge of breaking down. This whole week had shown me that the bond between Veron, Jonan and me is so weak. On last sunday, Auntie Joy(Jonan's mom) quarrel with him and Veron. They dig out of the ugly side and the past. Actually Auntie Joy came over to buy an apartment for Jonan so that he dont need to rent from others. then Auntie Joy say that Veron poision Jonan's mind with all her thoughts. But the thing is Jonan had not been treating her well... Enough of that ... I just feel she is being very seifish.. at the end of the day, she want Veron and me to continue to stay in our current house till the end of the lease. Just for the sake of the son. After the quarrel and all, I am feeling so down and stress.... I am stressed because Veron keep telling what to do. I am fed up. I just need someone who is not from the house. The only person I can think of is Carter. I know it is not a wise choice. Hui ya is Melb... haiz...

After the trip to Carter's place, rumors and hatred begin to surface. Jonan is angry at me being at Carter's place. He feel that his pride is gone as I will tell Carter what had happened. Jonan feel that I had betray him. Veron is angry at me for going to find Carter. She feel as a girl, I should not zhi dong song shang men. But Carter is my friend now. Moreover, she also feel that i will tell Carter what had happened. But the thing is we supposed to meet for dinner on that night. No one tell Carter if the dinner is still on or not. In the end, both of them sleep in the living room.

Rumors?? I dont know who and where it start. There's a rumor saying that I had sex with Carter. I had never. Can't a guy and a girl be just friends? Later it will be spread throughout the whole OCF and uniSA. Well... what can i do? I chose to keep quiet and forget about the whole issue. I never want to bring it up again. It was till yesterday. Veron start bring everything up. I know it is not good for my reputation as a girl. But what can I do? Anyway, I dont think anyone will know who am I. Jonan and her were outcasted from OCF as they are living together. She scared that the same thing will happen to me. We nearly have another arguement. It is all about jealousy... She even feel that the rumors was spread by Carter.

But what about her? Jonan did something bad to her. His family were not nice to her But what did she do? She chose to stay by his side. On Satursday, they had an agruement. Jonan wanted to break off with her and move back to Singapore. Then she say that she want to move out, sharing an apartment with me. We had been finding apartment thoughout the night.But you know what happened? The very next day, when I return from work, they are back together again. She had been telling me to move out so that I dont need to handle the stress. She also been trying to move out but in the end, she will chose to stay. Why? Dont I feel like a fool believing her? I really dont know what I should do. I dont know who should I trust. What should I do? She keep telling me to be demure and behave like a mature woman. But I am me. If I am doing all this, I am not myself. Suddenly, I realise I no longer have a voice. A voice of my own.

I am sorry that this entry is super long as it conclude all my suffering this 10 days.