Maybe it is the effect of the coffee I drank just now or I just cant dont care. I cant sleep. Been rolling in my bed since 2 am. Finally I decided to vent my helplessness on my blog.
I saw Ah ling smoking.
I dont understand why I can accept the fact that Ah lian (Weilin) or Shiwei had been smoking but not for Ah ling.
I hate the fact that I cant do anything to help her neither can I do anything to save my poly friendship. I cant accept the fact that Ah ling is venting her unhappiness on smoking. She smoke because of relationship? Why must she ruin herself for the sake of a guy whom never really love her in the first place? If he had love her in any way, he would not chose to leave her. I cant say it is entirely Andy's (Ah Ling's ex Boyfriend) fault. If she is less negative about life or the problems she had, Andy would not feel so stress when he was with her. Everyone have their own set of problems. However, I feel you must learn to accept your problem in a positive atttitude. Everyone is stressed with their finanical problems. If you dont have the ability to pay your school fees, I believe you can defer your studies and wait till you have enough money to pay the school fees. I dont believe there's no other way to solve your problem. And dont vent your stupid attitude on your friends. Who wish to meet you when you always give that kind of unwelcoming look. or should I say you only vent your stupid attitiude on us? What about your drinking pals? Or even amanda?
I really feel like slapping her! Or scold her to her senses. Because of her, it is causing a stain on our already rotting relationship. Guess what happen today? We were meeting at Bugis for christmas dinner. Then I saw her smoking as i walked past her. She came to pass the pressents. But I was told that she had a birthday party. Hence she was not joining us for the dinner. After the dinner I message everyone in appreciation of their gifts. She replied:" Dun Thank me. I did nt go." What the FU*K la. I was glad that I saw her. At least I know she is doing well.
Stop pushing everyone away from your world or force people to give in to you. Is this how you treat all those who loved you? If you wish to be a loner or vanish in your own world, go ahead. No one is stopping you.
ANGRY!
It's my first blog since i stepped into the fields of Singapore. Christmas is coming! Yeah~ I love the gift exchange part. The carols singing part. The lightings part. But I had always prefer a white christmas.
On tuesday, I went for my Christmas dinner with my wacky family. I really had a great time. All those gossiping, laughing, "soOoOouring" and the gifts exchange. Although some of them forget to bring the gifts, it was still great. I always love the company of those girls. Lately I also caught with my other side of my secondary school pals (the guys). Still a lot of fun although the dartboard was always targeted at lulu and me.
Laughter is the medicine for most illness. It help me to forget the unhappiness with my family, poly friends and school. At last for the few moments, I am able to laugh wholeheartedly.
After laughters, soon it will be departures. Q is going to Melboune. I remembered that she told me that I should feel happy or proud of her. Well.. I am. At last, it's only for a year. I am used to people sending me off. But I know 2007 will be hard for me. Very soon, I will be hit by decision makings. There's never any decision that is easy to make. As I grow older, the responsiblities on my shoulders became heavier. Then the decisions will be even harder to make. The weighting scale will never be balanced. One of my favourite manga stated that equal trade do not exist in this world. At times, no matter how hard you try, you might not even achieve what you hope for. But I also believe that without any contributions, there will never be a reward.
As I was watching "The hoildays" with Q, something came to my mind. I love the part where the old man was recieving a award for his contributions to the moive industry. He was great. The wisdom shown in his speech and his actions inspired lots. I hope that I can be like him.